Christmas 2013

I sit here, surrounded by birth family, feeling the love all around of great aunts and uncles, of my late Uncle's partner, and I can't help but realize just how good life is right now. It has been a tough year, from my birthday, when I was raped and became pregnant with the two wonderful boys I am now carrying for my late Uncle's partner and his husband, to the most recent events I don't know if or when anyone in House R will be ready to publicly speak about, to having the very foundation of my relationship rocked. It has also been a very good year, a very blessed year. I am grateful for the love of both my birth family, Mom and Pappa's remaining siblings (my legally adopted family, who have all been wonderful and have accepted my birth family and who have all been welcomed into my birth family along with me), to all the members of House R. I am a very well loved woman!
I got an early Christmas gift this year. I was welcomed home to House R with open arms and could not be happier to be home, where I belong. I was not expecting anything material, but, boy, was Santa good to me this year!
Even though I can't wear them for a few months, Grandfather and my Loce got me a new set of riding leathers! A soft, supple black leather with trim in dark smoke gray and the palest of pinks. They are beautiful! Gram gave me several gift cards to my favorite stores for a shopping spree after the babies are born for school clothes! Of course there are other odds and ends, James (my late Uncle's partner) and his husband gave me a gas card for that first ride on Sally after the babies, and I got a beautiful sweater from my adopted Pappa's sister. Some of the members of House R will be over a little later and we are going to exchange more gifts. Then, after a nap, it will be time for a (pregnant) girl's favorite part of the holiday! Food!
I will post more later and in the coming days. This is part of my gift to my Love, that I will blog more, but shhhhh, he does not know that yet, lol.
So, from my home to yours, have a very merry, blessed, and safe Christmas!

Double Legacy Revisited

It seems that my post last night read offensively, which was not my intention.
Master's legacy is a daunting one to be faced with. He has a very long history in the lifestyle, and a very respected name. When I think of things in terms of His legacy, I get nervous and scared. Will I live up to the collar? Would His ancestors approve of His collaring me? Have I proven myself worthy of His collar, His line, His legacy?
Facing those questions is easier for me than others, in my own naive way. I have the spirits of my own lifestyle ancestors helping to guide my way, helping my navigate the seas of submission. The double legacy is both a blessing and a curse, in some ways.
It is a blessing because of the respect the lines both garner. It is the fact that both of our ancestors have overcome so much for us to be able to enjoy our lifestyle.
It is also a curse in some ways. When a lifestyle person needs answers to questions, once they hear you have a legacy, or are owned by a legacy, or both, they ask you the questions and expect the right answers right away.
I guess the strangest thing about these questions, these feelings, is the feeling of inadequacy when I am asked a question I do not know the answer to. I feel like I am letting Master down, His ancestors down, and my own ancestors down. It is something I have to work on, getting past these feelings and fears.
When I am not sure if I am doing the right things, if I am going the right way, I feel the hands of both legacies guiding me along, being sure I do what is needed, what is right.
I can only hope, wish, and pray that I live up to the expectations of both lines, but, more importantly, that I make Master proud and happy.

Double Legacy

Some would see the legacies of Master and I as a burden, and they can be, but others, like myself, embrace them.. I see my legacy, paired with Master's, as proof that I belong with Him, that I deserve to carry on the legacies.
Why else would two legacies, this long, be together? I don't need to prove that I deserve the title of His slave.
The interweaving of our legacies has happened in the past, and it is fate that I was brought into His life to do so again, to continue both legacies with one slave, just as my legacy started with His ancestor!
I don't feel that the legacy is a weight, it doesn't feel heavy to me, it feels natural. The legacies prove that I belong with Master, my pedigree is pure, I am not a first generation slave. Yes, the legacies are a big thing, but my own legacy, wearing the gold in my own right, proves my worth, proves that I am worthy of the responsibility of both family legacies on my shoulders.

All Because of You

Years ago, my life had no focus, no meaning, no purpose, no direction. I had no idea what I really wanted in life. I was in, looking back now, a dead end job that provided people with both intense happyness but also intense heartache. I had no family and I was miserable.
Now, with Your help, encouragement and love, I seem to have it all.
You encouraged me to take that step to find my real family, to accept them. Because of Your encouragement, I have two wonderful brothers and a great sister that I am very close to and who I think the world of! I am honored to be their big sister. You listened to my fears about the pain of their rejection, and You were there to kiss away the tears of joy when they accepted me as their sister. Even though He does have His moments, my Father is a wonderful Man, and I am so happy to have been accepted into His home. You were there and supported me through the fears of rejection and the adjustment period after the truth was discovered. You helped me work through my issues that helped me have the ability to be open to His love. You helped me work through the hatred for the woman who kept me from my Father through her deception. I have grandparents whom I adore. Your love and support helped me through the time of adustment to haveing a warm and welcoming family for the first time in years.
You encouraged me to find my passion and pursue a career I could really enjoy and flourish in. You encouraged me to pursue my education to better myself, for You. You stood by me and helped me overcome the difficulties I have faced. I am well on my way to a wonderful, fulfilling career, because of You.
I found the courage with You to open myself up to love. And in doing so, I have had the most incredible experiences. Because of You, I have had the courage and confidence to accept what I really am, the long silenced desires. Once I knew I would be accepted by You for all that I am, I knew, even before You said it, that I could trust You and that You would never hurt me.
Because of You, I went from a scared, emotionally fragile little girl to an empowered, happy, positive, driven young woman. All because of You, all for You, I am no longer miserable and scared.
Thank You for loving me, for supporting me, for encouraging me, for forgiving me, for being there for me, for making me Yours.

Two Paths

I awaken in a valley
There are flowers all around
The air smells sweet and the flowers are in bloom
In the distance there are two paths
One, bright and sunny
The other, the false brightness
Which do I choose?
I must choose one
One is right
One is wrong
Which is which?
Upon closer inspection, they are identical save two little details
One, the edges of the path are wavy as if in a cloud
The other the lines are crisp
Which is real, which is false.
I follow one and things change.
Before I know it, it is too late to turn back.
They have tricked me, and their games have won
I am being told evil things, hurtful things,
But, in this haze of dillusion, there is a sort of strange comfort
I can hear them, they talk to me, and I can speak back.
They are playing upon something I have longed for my whole life,
To hear like those around me can,
To be normal.
To stay on this path, I hide
Hide from those around me
Those who love me
I listen to the voices, they become my friends
Then, they say something,
And this something betrays them as the evil they are.
They say, "He pities you, that is why He is with you,
"He feels bad for you."
From deep within this fog of existance,
I know it is not true,
I realize they are only out to destroy,
Using tricks to get me to listen and obey them.
Their magic begins to fade,
I am back at the crossroads,
The two paths stare at me again.
Which is real, which just an illusion?
There is another difference now,
And the true path is clear, the other fading away.
He is there, in the middle of the true path,
Waiting, welcoming, forgiving.
I run to Him, to His arms, to His love.
Things are bright again,
I am not pitied here,
No.
The truth is evident
What they told me was pity was,
Really,
Love.
The world is right once again,
The darkness has receeded,
I am whole, and so is He.

SubDrop and Head Space

After several months of being gone, I am back where i belong, where I am whole. I am back under Master's care, back in His loving embrace.
I think I have been in what my sister slave has written about known as head space most of the time I have been back. It is wonderful, that feeling of serving Master, that nothing else matters. I feel complete again, like all is right with my life. When I was gone, I really made a mess of myself. I didn't take care of an impending ear infection, which turned into a raging ear infection. I went off my meds and went on a downward spiral companied with a manic episode. I did not care one bit about my health, so I put on too much weight, which made management of my diabetes difficult. My GPA dropped slightly.
Since returning to where I belong, everything has been better. I have started taking my meds again, and my mental illness is under control, the voices in my head have been quiet for the most part, and not as persistant when they are there; Master is able to keep them at bay. My weight has returned to normal, making the management of my diabetes easier. My grades have gone back to normal and I am graduating in a few weeks Suma Cum Laude. I treated the ear infection and it went away quickly, and I have started preventing them again.
In this state of mind, things are better. Master and I have more bonding time. I think we are closer than ever! This bonding time, though, has led to some pretty intense dropping. But this is also a good thing.
When dropping, I feel closer to Master. That need to be close allows more of a bond to form, allows our love to grow deeper. I feel Master's love wash over me like a bright, warm light even more when I am dropping.
When I drop, I spend a lot of time in Master's pocket in my mind, curled up against His heart beat. I feel Him protecting me, keeping me safe and secure.
I am in a good place again, I am back where I belong, back with Master, in His loving embrace, under His protection, in the presence of His direction. My life has meaning again, it has direction. And all because I returned to where I have always belonged.

The Rules

Every relationship has rules, even the vanilla ones. As a D/s relationship, this one has more rules than most. Some of these rules, while they may seem simple and basic, help reaffirm the control that exists in the relationship. Some serve simply to remind one person of their role in the relationship.

Rules can be changed at any time, for a member's safety, health and well being, to enhance one member's participation in the relationship, or, quite simply, for the Dominant partner's own amusement. It is simply by his pleasure and his permission that I, the submissive one, serve.

The rules are always evolving and this will probably be the most edited and updated entry I will ever write.

Dress and Appearance:
Color:
Whenever dresed, at least one visible garment will be sky blue, smoke gray, or a combination of the two.
Accessories:
At all times a collar will be worn that is clearly a BDSM collar.
When around anyone besides only my Dominant, my hair will be covered from at least hair line to nape of the neck
Hair will be covered even when alone unless otherwise authorized
Jewlery will be tasteful and silver in color, the only exception being Pappa's gold wedding ring on a gold chain around my neck
Medic Alert bracelet will be worn at all times when out of the house
Style:
Clothes will be fairly conservative and well fitting
Clothes will be approved by Dominant before dressing (see "Contact Requirements" below)
Undergarments:
Tasteful, well fitting, adult style undergarments will be worn whenever dressed.
Undergarments will be bikini style panties, a bra, and socks
Nylon pantyhose will be worn when appropriate
Hair:
Hair will be no shorter then mid back and kept clean and brushed
Hair will be worn down at all times unless otherwise approved
Grooming:
Neck down will be kept free of any and all body hair
Finger and toe nails will be kept neat and clean, toe nails will be kept trimmed and filed, finger nails will be no longer then 1/2 inch past finger tips
Finger and toe nails will be painted in Dominant's choice of color
Misc:
When alone with Dominant, or just alone in general, no clothing will be worn except for collar
When at a public community event or club, ONLY sky blue and smoke gray, or a combination of the two, will be worn, including undergarments

Contact Requirements:
Daily:
When waking up, an email will be sent with the day's schedule including exams, this email will also include a request to dress if needed and a description of the outfit to be worn. If no reply is given in 20 minutes, permission is to be assumed.
An email will be sent before going to bed to request permission to go to bed, again, if no reply in 20 minutes, permission is assumed.
All emails sent will be answered promptly
Weekly:
At least one phone call a week will be placed
Three pictures will be sent a week, minimum. Pictures sent the same day as the phone call will not count.
Misc:
While with Dominant, I will ask permission for everything
When eating with Dominant, I will wait for his permission to eat or for him to feed me
When unsure of anything, I will ask
When speaking to other Dominants, proper respect will be shown (Sir or Ma'am)
When speaking to my Dominant or about my Dominant after this entry, I will use Master, never his given name without prior permission
When refering to myself, I will use girl or this one (after this entry)

Postures/Positions:
In Public:
I will sit in a chair, with my legs under a table or desk, and my knees will never touch
When standing, my knees will never touch, leaving my legs at least slightly parted at all times
In private:
I will assume any position Dominant commands
Default position will be kneeling before him, knees spread as wide as possible, backside resting on my heels, hands, palms up, on my thighs

General:
Schedule:
I will wake up at least one hour before required to leave for school or work
I will be in bed by 10PM with lights out being 11PM unless otherwise authorized
Medical:
All medication will be taken at the time it is needed
Dominant reserves the right to request any and all medical reports and blood sugar logs at any time
Diet:
I will follow the nutrition guidelines to keep my illness controlled
Dominant rewerves the right to adjust diet as needed to maintain a healthy and attractive weight
Vices:
I will smoke no more than 7 ciggerettes a day without permission
I will not drink without Dominant's prior approval, never alone, and never to excess
Misc:
I will sleep naked unless otherwise authorized by Dominant
When sleeping, at least my left ankle will be attached to the footboard of the bed by a cuff and teather.

Sex/Self Pleasure/ Play Time:
Sex will only be with Dominant, when he desires it, and how he desires it
Orgasms will only be reached with Dominant's permission, on his command, and how he wishes
There will be no self pleasure without Dominant's prior approval or command
If self pleasure is permitted or commanded, orgasm permission will not be assumed and must be given specifically
There will be no BDSM play without Dominant's prior permission and only with Dominant
Puppy play will only be engaged in when Dominant permits and to the extent Dominant allows

Discipline:
All discipline will be at Dominant's discretion
Discipline will be what Dominant feels is appropriate, be it sexual or physical

These rules will be subject to change at any and all times for any reason.